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May 16, 2011 @ 10:14 pm

The Profile and Beguile of the Reptile

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In Episode 9, we examine the conspiracy theory of the "Lizard People"--alien lizard humanoids living among earthlings (somewhat) undetected. Some claim these Lizard People secretly control humanity and strive for world domination. You know the type: Queen Elizabeth, both Presidents Bush, and of course, Kris Kristofferson. One listener of HYKI offered her two cents on the topic, which we will share with you--on the condition that we preserve her anonymity: Dear HYKI: Let me preface this note by saying that I, myself, am not a member of the Reptilian Order. I can state this for a fact as I do not occupy a position of power and am currently a drain on society collecting unemployment. That said, I am well acquainted with several people who may indeed be Reptilian. This includes but is not limited to friends of our family who have attended Andover, Yale, and Oxford and is now a major player in an investment bank (!!!). That particular person is not, however the subject of this note. I refer, instead, to a doctor friend of mine. He prepped with my cousin in boarding school in California, and later attended college in Vermont. Interestingly, his father said to him his junior year of high school, "Get a B average and I'll get you into Harvard." Said friend did not avail himself of his father's offer, but both of his siblings did. This friend is a member of a certain "Outdoor Club". A peculiar California institution that has been profiled by none other than Vanity Fair Magazine! If that doesn't wreak of lizard breath, I don't know what does! My cousin and I have endeavored to get our friend to strip down to his true Reptilian skin. He has thus far refused our advances. I have no fear that he will one day relent and show us his shiny, shiny scales. And on that day, my dear HYKI, the truth of the Reptilian Order will be revealed! Yours, A Friend (of HYKI)

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