Episodes
Tuesday Jun 28, 2011
A Jug of Wine, and (what the heck) Thou
Tuesday Jun 28, 2011
Tuesday Jun 28, 2011
This is a true story my grandmother told me as a child: Grandma was a teenager during prohibition, living in Pennsylvania. Her family owned a vinyard, and by law they were only allowed to make wine for the church. Even though it was illegal, they made extra to sell to the cathouse down the road. Under the cover of night, grandma would function as a lookout. The son of the whoremaster would drive over and make the pickup. After a few visits, the son asked grandma out to dinner. He took her to a dark, remote restaurant and ushered her to a table in the shadows. Sitting at the table, grandma burst out in tears. She thought that her father sold her off to the cathouse proprietor to work as a whore, and that she was being taken away for good. But it turned out they were just out on a date! Boy, did they have a good laugh!
Monday May 30, 2011
Are you Ghetto or White Trash--Take the Test
Monday May 30, 2011
Monday May 30, 2011
In our last episode, one of our listeners asked us to help define the distinction between ghetto and white trash. And while we're at it, what about, guidos and red necks? We can't ignore them either. So we developed a handy spreadsheet for you to use as a guide. If you want to know what category you fall into, know that if your lifestyle reflects 14 out of the 20 variables presented, you belong to that happy group! So get to it, y'all!
Variable | Ghetto | White Trash | Red Neck | Guido |
Geography | urban | suburban/rural/urban | rural | urban/suburban |
Race | all | white | white | all |
Taste in Music | rap | rap/country (happy songs) | country (sad songs) | cheesy dance |
Usage of Crystal Meth | no | yes | yes | no |
Gold Jewelry | yes | yes | no | yes |
Cash Flow | high to low | high to low | high to low | high to low |
Dress Code | hip hop/tank tops | hip hop/tank tops | tank tops/flannel shirts | tanks tops/no tops |
Smoke Menthol Cigarettes | yes | yes | yes | yes |
Wear a Hair Piece | yes | yes | no | yes |
Threatened by Tornadoes | no | yes | yes | no |
Gun Ownership | yes | yes | yes | no |
Wife Beater (as in, not a tank top) | yes | yes | yes | yes |
Penciled-in/Over-plucked Eyebrows | yes | yes | no | yes |
Owning rims | yes | no | no | yes |
Being Paris Hilton | no | yes | no | no |
Loud in Public | yes | yes | yes | yes |
All Repairs Done with Duct Tape | no | yes | yes | no, you got a guy |
Willingness to Get into a Fist Fight | yes | yes | yes | yes |
Use of the Word: Y'all | yes | yes | yes | yes |
BBQ on Front Lawn | no | yes | yes | yes |
Tuesday May 17, 2011
The Profile and Beguile of the Reptile
Tuesday May 17, 2011
Tuesday May 17, 2011
In Episode 9, we examine the conspiracy theory of the "Lizard People"--alien lizard humanoids living among earthlings (somewhat) undetected. Some claim these Lizard People secretly control humanity and strive for world domination. You know the type: Queen Elizabeth, both Presidents Bush, and of course, Kris Kristofferson. One listener of HYKI offered her two cents on the topic, which we will share with you--on the condition that we preserve her anonymity: Dear HYKI: Let me preface this note by saying that I, myself, am not a member of the Reptilian Order. I can state this for a fact as I do not occupy a position of power and am currently a drain on society collecting unemployment. That said, I am well acquainted with several people who may indeed be Reptilian. This includes but is not limited to friends of our family who have attended Andover, Yale, and Oxford and is now a major player in an investment bank (!!!). That particular person is not, however the subject of this note. I refer, instead, to a doctor friend of mine. He prepped with my cousin in boarding school in California, and later attended college in Vermont. Interestingly, his father said to him his junior year of high school, "Get a B average and I'll get you into Harvard." Said friend did not avail himself of his father's offer, but both of his siblings did. This friend is a member of a certain "Outdoor Club". A peculiar California institution that has been profiled by none other than Vanity Fair Magazine! If that doesn't wreak of lizard breath, I don't know what does! My cousin and I have endeavored to get our friend to strip down to his true Reptilian skin. He has thus far refused our advances. I have no fear that he will one day relent and show us his shiny, shiny scales. And on that day, my dear HYKI, the truth of the Reptilian Order will be revealed! Yours, A Friend (of HYKI)
Wednesday May 04, 2011
More Advice on Advice: Matters of the Heart, and Genitals
Wednesday May 04, 2011
Wednesday May 04, 2011
Episode 7 left us pondering: How can you tell if a woman will cheat? Ian Kerner, sex counselor and author knows the “signs” of a cheater for sure. Well, maybe. Kerner, offers broad generalizations, err, “signs”, such as: Sign #5—She shows less tolerance of her partner’s friends and family. Did he ever consider that these people may just be duds, and getting annoyed with them is a normal reaction? One can’t be expected to gush with thanks every time the mother-in-law demonstrates the “right” way to load the dishwasher. And when Cousin Lois reminds everyone only the believers will be saved, come Judgment Day. Or to giggle behind her hand like a geisha at her husband’s stale recitation of yet another SNL catchphrase. No, she will not “touch your monkey”. It’s too big of leap to assume a woman is looking for some fresh wiener when she’s just trying to let you know how displeased she feels about serving nachos to your NASCAR buddies who come over and sweat into her couch every weekend. And the article notes while there are no hard statistics, female infidelity is on the rise. If there are no statistics, how do they know this? Is “making it up” now part of the scientific method? It’s also cited that women who make over $75,000 are 1.5 times more likely to cheat than those who make under $30,000. Since only 2% of working women make over $75,000, everyone can relax. That’s not a lot of women. And to the reader who asks, “Will I cheat if I make $50,000 a year?” The answer is, if you’re up for a raise, you may be .75 times more likely to think about it. Sound fair? I made it up.
Saturday Apr 30, 2011
Sounds Good to Me
Saturday Apr 30, 2011
Saturday Apr 30, 2011
Hey You Know it is like an old-timey radio show, without the radio. Or the old-timeyness. It's a podcast that you subscribe to--like a magazine--but you don't get a magazine. Hmmm. Let's just say you were able to download our show from Itunes to your Ipod. Now you can take us with you wherever you go. And I daresay that we make anything you do while listening to us just a little more fun. Try: folding laundry, sitting on the couch, looking around. Much better, isn't it? If you can think of anything else to do while listening to us, let us know, send an email to: heyyouknowit@gmail.com
Saturday Apr 16, 2011
Fight Crime and Breast Cancer
Saturday Apr 16, 2011
Saturday Apr 16, 2011
In our last podcast (Ep. 7: Relationships, Injustice, and Jason Bateman) I recounted my comic-tragic story of how I got sucker punched on the A train. My response was that I needed to get a piece, but we know that ain't going to happen. It's just too inconvenient with NYC's restrictive gun laws that keep us all safe from gun-related crimes. Really the only people can secure a gun in NYC sans hassle are criminals and I am not ready for street justice. Perhaps I'll reconsider after I get assaulted again and the cops do NOTHING again and then just downgrade it to menacing. Well, they have to protect their stats and make the city look safer, otherwise they would be not not doing their jobs... Maybe then I'll consider going vigilante ala Jodie Foster in the seminal "this little lady has had enough" flick The Brave One. So after careful consideration we decided on the next best thing, aside from getting a functioning police department that responds to victims, is this little baby: The Sabre Red Pepper Spray from Bud K. This ready-for-clutch-purse-carrying pepper spray not only helps you fight crime--it helps you fight breast cancer. And it's pink, the defining color of femininity. So when you blast this in your attacker's eyes he'll be aware of breast cancer all the way to the precinct until they release him on his own recognizance, because you were asking for it anyway. Is there anything you can't buy that doesn't support the fight against breast cancer? That's a rhetorical question, of course. Also available, Lipstick Stun Gun. It's the kiss of death, with style...
Thursday Mar 31, 2011
Ashamed of Your Armpits? Dove Says You Should Be
Thursday Mar 31, 2011
Thursday Mar 31, 2011
Women are clearly stupid. Don’t get offended. I was just channeling the thoughts of the ad folks responsible for Dove’s cynical marketing campaign to convince women that their armpits (yes armpits) are fucking hideous.
It’s just not enough that we are starving ourselves to look like victimized Ukrainian models, are ashamed of how our vajayjays look and smell, spend hard earned money to buy fake boobs, asses, chins, noses, nails, hair, and eyelashes and airbrush over whatever we can’t remold or chop off but now we need to worried about our pits? Unilever says yes!
Using Gossip Girl actress Jessica Szohr (who) as the spokesdummy, Dove’s newest ad campaign targets women who feel that their underarms are unsightly. According to their research, involving a whopping 500 women, almost 100% of women abhor the sight of their underarms. Really? I had never even thought about it, until now. Wait, I still don’t care. It’s an armpit. Did they ask women who had nothing else going on, at all? Or maybe they were guided towards this shocking discovery in a marketing research session.
Want more. Check out HYKI Podcast Episode 3- Augmentation: Add Men
Friday Sep 10, 2010
HYKI is all a-twitter
Friday Sep 10, 2010
Friday Sep 10, 2010
We signed up for a twitter account in advance of the onslaught of fans from out soon to be second episode - THE SUPERNATURAL. Astral bodies, dowsing and scrying, you say? No that's all paranormal. We're talking about chrakras, fakirs, theosophy and the like. Don't get it twisted. Tomorrow we are headed to our top secret locale in hipster-infested Bushwick, Brooklyn to lay track for our second installment. And, we have listener mail. We'd love more. Please follow us twitter.com/heyyouknowit Enjoy, Jacquetta of HYKI
Tuesday Nov 30, -0001
The Profile and Beguile of the Reptile
Tuesday Nov 30, -0001
Tuesday Nov 30, -0001
In Episode 9, we examine the conspiracy theory of the "Lizard People"--alien lizard humanoids living among earthlings (somewhat) undetected. Some claim these Lizard People secretly control humanity and strive for world domination. You know the type: Queen Elizabeth, both Presidents Bush, and of course, Kris Kristofferson. One listener of HYKI offered her two cents on the topic, which we will share with you--on the condition that we preserve her anonymity: Dear HYKI: Let me preface this note by saying that I, myself, am not a member of the Reptilian Order. I can state this for a fact as I do not occupy a position of power and am currently a drain on society collecting unemployment. That said, I am well acquainted with several people who may indeed be Reptilian. This includes but is not limited to friends of our family who have attended Andover, Yale, and Oxford and is now a major player in an investment bank (!!!). That particular person is not, however the subject of this note. I refer, instead, to a doctor friend of mine. He prepped with my cousin in boarding school in California, and later attended college in Vermont. Interestingly, his father said to him his junior year of high school, "Get a B average and I'll get you into Harvard." Said friend did not avail himself of his father's offer, but both of his siblings did. This friend is a member of a certain "Outdoor Club". A peculiar California institution that has been profiled by none other than Vanity Fair Magazine! If that doesn't wreak of lizard breath, I don't know what does! My cousin and I have endeavored to get our friend to strip down to his true Reptilian skin. He has thus far refused our advances. I have no fear that he will one day relent and show us his shiny, shiny scales. And on that day, my dear HYKI, the truth of the Reptilian Order will be revealed! Yours, A Friend (of HYKI)
Tuesday Nov 30, -0001
The Profile and Beguile of the Reptile
Tuesday Nov 30, -0001
Tuesday Nov 30, -0001
In Episode 9, we examine the conspiracy theory of the "Lizard People"--alien lizard humanoids living among earthlings (somewhat) undetected. Some claim these Lizard People secretly control humanity and strive for world domination. You know the type: Queen Elizabeth, both Presidents Bush, and of course, Kris Kristofferson. One listener of HYKI offered her two cents on the topic, which we will share with you--on the condition that we preserve her anonymity: Dear HYKI: Let me preface this note by saying that I, myself, am not a member of the Reptilian Order. I can state this for a fact as I do not occupy a position of power and am currently a drain on society collecting unemployment. That said, I am well acquainted with several people who may indeed be Reptilian. This includes but is not limited to friends of our family who have attended Andover, Yale, and Oxford and is now a major player in an investment bank (!!!). That particular person is not, however the subject of this note. I refer, instead, to a doctor friend of mine. He prepped with my cousin in boarding school in California, and later attended college in Vermont. Interestingly, his father said to him his junior year of high school, "Get a B average and I'll get you into Harvard." Said friend did not avail himself of his father's offer, but both of his siblings did. This friend is a member of a certain "Outdoor Club". A peculiar California institution that has been profiled by none other than Vanity Fair Magazine! If that doesn't wreak of lizard breath, I don't know what does! My cousin and I have endeavored to get our friend to strip down to his true Reptilian skin. He has thus far refused our advances. I have no fear that he will one day relent and show us his shiny, shiny scales. And on that day, my dear HYKI, the truth of the Reptilian Order will be revealed! Yours, A Friend (of HYKI)